Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
