im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
