Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
