It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
