I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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