My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
