I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
