my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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