Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
