i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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