God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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