it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
