Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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