so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
