I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How's work?
Spinning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
MIDGETS
????
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
