well you can't waste a boner
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
