After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
