Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
