But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
