At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
