I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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