He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
