someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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