My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
