i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
