Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
