he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
