id be glad to
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
