My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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