Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
