Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
