i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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