i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
