did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He kissed a someone with a penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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