Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
