Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
