I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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