YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
