I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
