Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
