There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
