That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
