It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
