It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
