Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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