ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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