their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
