I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
