So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
