Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
