I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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