It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
