just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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