drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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