just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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