Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
