why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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