btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
