I wish i was in the wii world.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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