just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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