and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
