Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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