marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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