Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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