I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
