I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
