He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
