WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
