your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so that wasnt chicken after all
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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