I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
