My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
