all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
